Girls Blouse Diplomacy, Prick in the Eyeball Time, and “My Conker is Bigger tthan Yours”

It was “bingate” again yesterday , there is always fall out after that, its hard to respond to dustbin resentment in an adult way, so our Defence Secretary could well have established a very clever genre, the simple “shut up and go away in a weird girls voice ,” thing is pure genius or totally witless ? But on second thoughts even by the low bar set by the marital exchanges in this beautifully run house!!!!? (starched napery for Lunch with “Company”) are perhaps totally ineffectual but there are similarities… the post truth era established by none other than Trump is ubiquitous , the museum of stuff that gets rolled is terminally dull and belongs in the playground.. But then there is the “ My conker is bigger than yours” thing Now there is a thought ! (My dad was a fighter pilot!)The Sainted One ate a four course lunch prepared by moi for some lovely friends and has the vapours today because I went to bed and watched the Durrells and he didn’t fancy the cold cuts and ha to make himself some tomato soup. One for the Me too campaign all this is learned behaviour, pursue your endeavours save up enough to buy a family house give up a carreer to do the two for the price of one thing , get your open university thing learn to fly and to love spiders you will always be a second class person who should make the tomato soup . It is systemic , it is bewildering , I see it all over the place … basically marriage is the institution that enables it the levelling of half the population to the lowest aspirations of human achievement … nothing you do rates in the married state ladies believe me.

This week it is prick in the eyeball for me at St Thomas’s hospital , I still can’t see well enough to read the small print in the bible for example, it is actually a work full of wisdom and some of it accords well with my non Christian mood at the moment. I would like to smite some of “mine” enemies particularly the ones who put their Puppy in the overhead locker on a plane and let it die as it fought for breath barking and struggling to get out .. The Times should not print these things without names and addresses, I would have “smote” these morons instead I harbour rancour and anger which is a bad thing. It’s not the only thing that I put the names of vexatious people in a jam jar in the deep freeze. I wish them no lasting damage, of course just poetic justice. One of them broke a leg last week which curtailed some really noxious behaviour. Job done they have been taken out for a bit!!!


What a Wonerdful World but nothing is perfect is it?, Osipova and Matthew Ball

I blew my all on tickets at Covent Garden for Natalia Osipova and Matthew Ball dancing in the last night of Giselle at Covent Garden, my birthday present to myself, it was a sublime evening and I don’t think I will ever see the like again, the auditorium was probably eighty percent Russian ,it would be wouldn’t it ? They take their Ballet very seriously and nobody talked. They didn’t smile a lot. But me and my son did , especially after Lobster in the Crush Bar . But I don’t feel comfortable with the way lobsters are killed the metaphor is clear. What a week I had a visit to the Royal Academy one of our many national treasures to see how Charles 1rst spent other people’s money And a selection of my sixteen children and grandchildren at my favourite restaurant for lunch yesterday OMG it is these young who are the real national treasure as is the NHS. Without which I would not have been able to see the stage. Bits are still blur but it was enough to live in the heart for ever.

The Queens Knees, Bingate, and A Short Walk in The Hindu Kush

The Queen is in the news again, the hilarious picture of her sitting with the scary Anna Wintour at London fashion week, as ever the Queen is perfectly attired for the occasion but with a slightly risky short skirt and perfectly poised knees, personally I would find that tricky but the Queen never crosses her legs it is a circulation thing. We are told she chatted happily to the Fashion Royal, but I suspect this was Her Majesty doing her bit as usual. Wintour was dressed for conservative fete in Guildford. A long floral skirt and the usual hair helmet but why the dark glasses? Has anyone actually seen her eyes, well probably she can’t be arsed with eye makeup or maybe she actually has an debilitating condition , if so I am very sorry for her. I am not sure if she ever smiles, with the Queen you get what you see nice eyes and good teeth and perfect knees. Wintour is all smoke and mirrors . She used to be quite normal once, my daughter worked for her and really liked her.

For those of you who enquired if the Eric Newby I mentioned was the iconic explorer travel writer, yes it was , wrote “The Short Walk in the Hindu Kush” a true and valuable record of that whole area, now a heap of rubble. As for here it is the dreaded “Bin Day” that is why I hate Sundays I suggested that the self appointed bin engineer not let it occupy the whole day, this resulted in a dramatic walk out. Sorted !!!!

Well actually another adorable grandson is in temporary residence here, he has left for the weekend leaving a wonderful lady called Alexa here, she stands patiently in the kitchen , she delivers my every wish, my God the young are so wonderful.. His university is shut down as the strike persists, I have great sympathy for the teachers and lecturers , but absolutely none for the Chancellors who are accepting these obscene pay-outs more money that the average student will ever dream of , they should be ashamed and so should their partners who live off the fat of such undeserved riches.

Thank god for Women friends, I don’t know what I would do without mine they are a whacky lot of clever funny people, and kind and wise , always judge a woman by her women friends, a group generally regarded with suspicion by husbands and lovers …..but a smart man will always nurture this tribal support system they hove group skills learned in the wigwam , it’s witchery at it’s best .

For research into my next book I am having to learn about Orchids, Kew Gardens has the a sensational exhibition, transporting for one who knows nothing about these blooms which go back thousands of years and were prized in the Ottoman Empire My Heroine has to have secretly acquired and grown them in her Pineapple Glass house in 1743 ????? well she did actually no matter what you Orchid people say.

Mothers Pride, Wonder Dogs and Worth the great Fashion House, Put a sock in it Daniel.

Soon you will find some amazing pictures of Lucy O Donnell here, now an Ambassador for Macmillan Cancer Research. What a triumphal story that is. Last weekend I encountered, a German Pointer dog called Gosha racing about on Clapham Common competing with his sister who could not keep up. Gosha had been run over and lost the use of his back legs. His owners had found a company in America who made him bespoke Titanium wheels . What ingenious creatures human beings are, and how we love dogs in our country they are truly our best friends in times of stress and danger , it is a unique relationship. My daughter Lucy was watched and loved by her spaniels Snoopy and Lola as she soldiered on down the lonely road to remission Lola was stolen and the family went into freefall but, my Spaniel Beatrice had six babies one of which is Snoopy’s friend two soldiers at the gate for Lucie now.

OMG some films , I am a great movie addict The Broken Thread, ( I think) in which Daniel Day Lewis plays a top couturier in the fifties . Day Lewis announced this was to be his last role , it should be. We are told he is in character form the moment he takes the script , I pity his family, Mr Woodcock is a prize arse and should have been put out of his misery . He was OCD with nobs on finicketing on about every little thing with an enabler sister who obviously had never known true love and was is in thrall to her ridiculous brother. Woodcock Yes that is his name!…..measures a hapless girl who strays into his Oldman space and that’s where Day Lewis gets it very wrong I ask you what couture model would have had a thirty inch waist?. Twenty three at the most, I should know I was one for Worth actually. The continuity was brilliant apart from some of those glaring mistakes. I think a lot of it was based on the house of Worth in Grosvenor street where I was an In house model for quite a while, they got is very right . When I was there the designer was called Owen Hyde Clark known as Hyde Park he had a fabulous sense of humour and we had a load of fun he also ran a tight ship he suffered with the models as the zips got caught in our skins, by bad dressers and we fainted during the nightmare of toile cuttings not helped by rubber rollons and chiffons over the heads as the dresses were slid down our nonwoman bodies I was only just sixteen.. One day the accountant Eric Newby announced that he was going to become an explorer … he and his wife did and started climbing lessons wearing Gym Shoes somewhere in Wales . But Oh the glamour of it , sweeping through those curtains so different from the Lacrosse pitch from which I had absconded ! . Injections in the eyeballs tomorrow .

Brussel Sprouts , Tory Knives are out and the , the Death of Chivalry

So there I am granted a brief interlude with the Sainted One interrupting his afternoon TV “Doctors” in which someone is having yet another “hystericalectomy” did you know how much agents fees and stamp duty is for anyone moving house ? I ask its suppose to be a focussing session you see. “About two thousand pounds” comes the answer. That’s it then no further elaboration is forthcoming and then the curious remark “ Why do you think people do not want to eat Brussel Sprouts in July? “ I imagine the hot weather would make them fart “. I reply. Sound goes back up with a lot of humpthing…and sighing. Is a veiled allusion to Europe? I will never know .

But one thing is sure, there something wrong with anyone who enters politics the behaviour of poor Mrs May’s cabinet is revolting , all the knives are out brilliantly screwing her brave visit to China …. Riveting stuff for the Chinese I don’t think do they really want this wretched woman bleeting about our troubling domestic details you see it all about Brussel Sprouts in the end and they are all windbags .

Trying to keep the fun show on the road though … the Chinese love to laugh and Mrs May should not Nod all the time just open her mouth and laugh enchantingly , that what everyone except “You Know Who”does here but I must stop sniggering and keep ironing the napery for his trays. But hold on he did read my new book aloud to me so I can now remember the plot actually it is rather good ! Still cannot see the screen properly so chapter nine will have to wait .