Addicted to Fisherman’s Friends, Luxury Cottages and Aracnnaphobia.No

Addicted to Fisherman’s Friends , yes that’s me but as I had to point out to a rather vague friend of mine “not the two legged sort.” No I am not trawling the banks of smart rivers or vomiting on some choppy water in the dark, which I once did with a gentleman appropriately named Lillicrap. It was hell. They are magic throat sweets I chew them because basically I talk too much. Now this business of “ luxury cottages “ . Well it depends on your definition of luxury. I won’t go there actually. No not again at least

Arachnophobia is a very common affliction and I think the majority of the female population have it, but it is perhaps the one chance left to the wretched Male persons to prove they are real men …… but the truth is they don’t like them much either. Perhaps because the big hairy female spiders eat the exhausted males. I have encountered six of the monsters in the last two weeks, the answer is chestnuts they hate them.

Isn’t it strange how the Tory Party are so chauvinist, yes they are? I was once left alone by some of them on a darkening ski run with my fifteen year old daughter as they all skied down with the guide. None of them noticed when we eventually got back completely traumatised. Now had we been men they would not have done that you see. I am quite sorry for Mrs May , the knives were out at the beginning. The really ruthless ones encouraged her into that election, her natural female intuition was bullied into submission, it is easily done, I know this. I think she is getting the hang of what brutes they all are, well done her, none of them have great legs, just keep telling the truth Mrs May it is the best weapon you have in the “post truth era”.

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Sydney’s weekend

Many Shades of Gray, fabulous Isle of Wight and Rain

So here we are on the much anticipated visit to our old home on the Isle of Wight but in someone else’s house. It is a standard of décor and attention to detail which is quite beyond me. Indeed my style is what someone once memorably called “shabby chic without the chic.” Yep that is the way all thrown together occasionally it works. We are blessed with Izzy the kitchen goddess . it takes time to do “renetry” into life without stress never mind the complaints about the meals on wheels provided by a top chef elsewhere are not quite perfect “gravy a bit too sweet” .

My girl dogs have had their hair done by their island hairdresser. So its my turn next . watch this space.

More on the Man….. Mad Men , Elevator Man, and The Blue Man.

Yes. More on the man thing, The world seems to be run by Mad Men two of them Kim and Donald Duck are talking of a world war …. Keeping in mind the fact that all world wars begin in August, this is not altogether surprising, was it Nixon who said it was good “to have a mad man or two because only madmen talk like this and nobody knows if they are mad enough to do it.?” Sane normal people only talk about what is possible and so on…..there is a lot of truth in this. Question ? Where do the people who are managing the Grenfell Tower catastrophe actually come from, especially the female one in the ubiquitous white blouse who has soup eyes which are supposed to indicate empathy and something else which is very , very patronizing, not from anywhere I know .

To restore my faith in the remote possibility that men can be kind, well mannered and perhaps really rather nice to be with, I met one the other day, at Don Quixote , Covent Garden at its best; suffering from vertigo as I do I could not undertake the broken downward escalator Mr Gorgeous appeared, probably my age, “Do you need some help, take my arm” a lifetime flashed by on the downward journey, the arm cosily in the poitrene area …. Yes this would be the one who would chat drive the car in a masterly way, make jokes which were funny, wait while you mounted the stairs smile at you and tell you that you were funny see the pilgrim soul in you. I was so enamoured I dropped my ticket he ran after me …. My son was waiting looking possessive or something.. I saw Mr Gorgeous later … a glancing moment ?

Sydney my puppy has had a blue man toy all his little life he has never been without it … but he has lost it Blue Man, Elevator man where are you ?

The Scrotal Panorama, Mad Men, Elevator Man, and The Blue Man

Why is that old men or even younger ones approach seated women and thrust their nether regions into your face, sometimes with rather dubious stains on the crutch, last week one of them did it to a very glamorous friend of mine and moi and then let forth half a sausage roll from his mouth which landed on my silken lap. The time for politesse was over I got up and shook it onto the nicely mowed  grass and told him it was disgusting .Unperturbed this man continued a mindless blurb whilst “Conchita” discussed this phenomena  behind our jewelled hands . Actually she explained he had already showered her with the contents of his mouth earlier. Since then many of my women friends have agreed that the scrotal presentation thing is becoming rather more frequent , sometimes there is a rocking movement as they move from one cheesy foot to the other , probably because their shoes are causing discomfort because they do not cut their toenails, which froth into long white irregular talons . I mean nobody could get close to them anyway because in a horizontal unclothed position, serious injury is a very real danger . We decided the comment should be “ would you mind taking a step back, I think you know why”.