The Latin Quote and The Skirt

Quom volt pedere dementat! So you Latin scholars check that for spelling , my spell check won’t have it at all and there are angry red lines all over the place. Well those of you who are not familiar with the succinct little gem, just a clue is to say, there is a lot of that going on here at the moment, and some of it revolves round my aversion to skirts. They simply don’t work for me. I used to wear them and the shorter the better but that was when I had thin legs. Now mine look a bit like those ones you find on village hall pianos so I avoid displaying them. Whenever I do wear one it ends unhappily…. Take for example the time I wore one to the Portuguese Embassy for dinner, this was because I had written a book in which the great Catherine of Braganza featured. I dressed with care, a double layered black net skirt and lace shawl, which my grandmother said she wore when she met the pope. I don’t think that was true because she was not a Catholic and came from Texas so moving on. When I got up from dinner I leant to pick up the shawl, which of course I had dropped on the floor… I struggled a bit because I could not get it to go round my shoulders only to find it was the skirt which was now draped gracefully above the waist. The Ambassador was very polite and pretended not to notice but a week later I met a man who had been there he came beaming across the room mouthing the word SKIRT and creasing with laughter. There are other incidents but I won’t bore you with them, but all in all perhaps it is not surprising that I am having an awful recurring dream that tomorrow at my book launch I will not only be alone but without a skirt.

Yesterday as part of the “dementat” thing I was bailed three times the arrangements had included travel cots, trips on the 452 bus to acquire birthday presents, clean sheets on lots of beds and a large dinner, it was none of their faults actually, they were the victims of other peoples inability to use their brains ….. at six o clock I thought what the H…. and poured the sainted one and moi an enormous vodka. He got quite jolly and then read the first chapter of the book I have just started out loud, which he always does quite beautifully with a well modulated expertise acquired after years of addressing people both in the work place and the domestic arena. But I did notice he had trouble with the word Portsmouth, it was the Vodka of course. But today has not begun well because The Sainted One has decided to do the accounts! That always creates a dark miasma of gloom followed by suggestions for draconian economy do I think the timing is deliberate ????? no of course not I have got to stop being so paranoid. It looks like another vodka tonight but I have just seen that the bottle is empty also the gin bottle …..

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