The Sighning Pan and the Hole in the Lawn

The signing pan controversy and the hole in the lawn both happened yesterday. They have been sensational in their own way. Let’s take the first thing ….I have taken to snucking in little errors here just to keep you typo detectives on your toes, because to be honest some of you can be rather pedantic and annoying .. after all as I often say to all the people who live here, including the four legged ones “ you know perfectly well what I mean”. This is usually greeted with a certain sort of eye rolling thing which has been perfected to an art form by the Sainted One… others present are invited to join in with adept synchronised movements, including a rather unattractive head jerk such as actors do on the TV to indicate sexual pleasure… not that it has anything to do with that of course .

Well this mention of the signing pan was one of these little cunning traps which I mentioned yesterday . I informed you all that I took a signing pan to my book launch. One of you has asked in veiled terms of course, at least I think that’s what they meant, (because you are actually very nice people) if this is some sort of aid to incontinence that all older authors should take with them to events of this kind .. as I told you I took two, it was perhaps assumed to be a his and hers kind of thing.

I am not saying so here it is “TYPO GATE” and the best of luck .

Now for the hole in the lawn, the Sainted One has developed a dreadful kind of trumpeting noise which occurs frequently when anything moves in our suburban garden, Sandy my delightful and intelligent fox comes in for a lot of this, but he is well able to cope because he is regularly provided with nourishing food. The lovely black and white pigeons have learnt to recognise the sudden opening of the study window and don’t hang about to listen to the vile words that are hurled at them. The squirrels fair well because the air gun was confiscated after there was mention of the possibility of peppering the neighbours, and the Sainted One’s accomplice in squirrel loathing has moved a block away!! Cats don’t come here because of Beatrice and Mollie the four legged residents .

All this is containable except there is a new development, Beatrice has a phobia about a particular spot on the lawn because Mollie told her she might uncover delights beyond imagination if she concentrated all her efforts on digging various holes; one such was discovered yesterday. The bellowing reached Wagnerian levels and got all the occupants immerging from their rooms their rooms, which is unusual except at meal times….watch this space . Mollie smiled sweetly and slyly secreted the old bone her friend had uncovered, she has learnt all this from me . Life is a constant learning curve isn’t it .

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