Only my most select circle call me Van, but actually I like the name Van, it smacks of “Pleb” which is all the rage at the moment. Constantly shown lack of respect by my impertinent family they refer to me with a variety of terms of endearment, one of them is Vanratty when I lose my cool, which is most of the time. I am also referred to by some of them as Sweaty Betty .Now truthfully I like that because it never does to take yourself seriously . Now here is the thing which made me a little ratty, it’s this business about this bloke called VINCE. Vince has been saying a lot of things recently which strike me as odd ….. but I am told by people, this particular Vince is really “not half bad” to use the vernacular. Well the question is which half, and is one of his halves a lesser man because he went to a Grammar school, now let me tell you about this Vince, I said yesterday that he was a Toff in Plebs clothing and went to a public school. This is a delightful opportunity to join the other rage bandwagon apologeknciks (correct spelling for new word required), you see if you want to be en vogue you must apologise all the time. I am well trained in this because apologies trip off the tongue round her (from moi of course ) but we won’t go into that now. So thank you Vince’s’ defenders for giving me this opportunity to practice my skills in the public arena where plebs in Roman times were important spokes persons for common people, that’s the dictionary speaking. Sorry Vince, got it wrong you are a good guy and you went to a Grammar school… but does that entitle you to call yourself a Pleb? The Sainted One went to a grammar school and he is definitely does not answer to the description of Pleb, he leads the life of an eighteenth century gentleman and it is a beautiful thing.
Talking of toffs, we went out to dinner last night, an elegant hostess served delicious food and great company. Of course I knew I was with the Heavy Hitters when one of them (actually a smashing fellow ) asked me if Virginia Bottomley was “upstairs” , we were in a single story apartment, but thank heavens I quickly caught on because one doesn’t want to be thought to be out of the loop. He meant of course had she been elevated to the Lords! I tried to keep up and offered my bit about shale in the U S of A and then one of them started talking about fracking the excellent wine flowed but I did find the Common Agricultural Policy had limited appeal and ran out of legs