Black Bags and Bottoms

I used to admire an actor called Rupert Everett. Not any more….in the vernacular of which he is so fond , “he is up his own a—-.” I recently heard him in a dismal offering at the Henley Upon Thames Literary festival. It was a lack lustre performance with some unpleasant detail thrown in for good measure, which did nothing to improve it. His memoirs apparently include a very dull story about him in a nude Gay club. Now that was fine as far as it went, but then this thespian icon was encouraged to describe handing his clothes into the coat check in a black bag except for his shoes and socks( not a good look!)….( presumably the coat check operator would have done quick “c—-k check as well) excuse the word I didn’t just use because the I think the Sainted One has been “busted” reading this and he hates bad language, which accounts for a certain miasma of disapproval most of the time in this household where persons laugh hysterically at fart cushions. No the word I didn’t use which begins with c and ends in k was frequently alluded to during the evening . Then the story went on that having had a very good time he went to get his clothes and got the wrong bag …. Well how hilarious ! There was more, and this was a description of searching for correct bag with a naked A—-SE in the air on hands and knees etc… now perhaps that is a measure of the relative failure of the event that was this was not as risky as it sounds, and he escaped without serious injury, except I expect they were all tired and cold by then and I won’t be vulgar and suggest what the cold does to…… Actually the whole story made me very depressed because it so lacked elegance. But a lot of middle aged matrons liked it, among them was his mother who is of course marvellously enlightened and so on, maybe she is a dark horse and is facing prosecution for selling home made jam in recycled bottles. The thing is why???? Have these people never met homosexuals before ? This put me in mind of the Chief Whip some years ago who replied to a member ..( no the parliamentary sort dummy as my young ones would say) something to the effect “no there is no reason to “come out “ I long time ago I decided that I did not believe in God but I did not feel it necessary to tell my constituents.”

So that’s the nub of it do we have to be told what people do with their genitals ? And Please Rupert just when I have managed to expunge the image of your naked bottom crawling about in a rubbish dump there you are again banging on in that bastion of sanity “The Times “ that there were no gay people carrying the Olympic Torch, how do you know mate??? (He ran this past us in Henley Upon Thames and I wanted to get up and say something, but “you know who” became secretly violent and gripped my bad knee.) Of course there were hundreds of perfectly normal wonderful gay people carrying the torch. Isn’t being homosexual normal then? Do gay people have to bang on about what they do in the bed or the bath or that they like to dress up and have their nappy changed. I have seen a lot of bottoms in my time, sixteen of them have been observed in babyhood and believe me they don’t get better. I always think there is enough ugliness in the world without adding to it. Too much information Mr Everett .

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