One Degree Of Seperation.

It’s more like one degree less and it is separation round here. The Sainted One has many domestic battles on the go come the winter and the onset of Christmas they develop a new ferocity . These are for the most part insidious, conducted silently but with a little bit of background muttering. The front line battle is the thermostat for the heating .. it is turned down that vital one degree each time the S.O. passes it and each time moi hears this horrible little click I turn it back. This battle is getting near the edge ….. sometimes my feet are so cold I cannot feel them as I sit at my desk. But I tell you marching orders may well be mentioned soon. Sisters all, listen good .. blokes around the house are not easy. There is also the dishwasher thing… the reloading, everything taken out and pre washed, then replaced in colour coding and forensic attention to size. The average female domestic day is all about frenetic multi tasking, no time for such frivolities….. women are marvellous creatures.

I sat next to a man last night who was rather big in publishing and had a very exciting conversation about semi colons, colons and split infinitives, he announced that he really could not rate anything which did not contain a plethora of the former and any of the latter. I gave one of my delightful smiles;;;;;;;:::::::!

Boris Sans-Culottes?

Boris Johnson is a dish, no doubt about it, but not quite such a dish as his father Stanley who is a bit slimmer. I adore many things about Boris and so does almost everyone I know because he laughs at himself and when he talks to people they feel happy . His visit to India has no doubt sent his fan club into orbit and he has now become a world celebrity … but here is a thing, not so with the French I am thinking…. ! We have new friend in India, he stayed in our house and ignited a wish to go to that great country, partly because he was very complimentary about my book which touched on the Restoration when everyone was an accomplished dissembler. We all know what Boris is finding so inspiring in India, and it is wonderful that 73 Indian Firms are now listed on the stock exchange in London. But Boris don’t upset the French, they gave us so many wonderful things, not least the gentlemanly mantra about never telling the truth about your private life, even if you are caught with your trousers down, you know what I mean Boris . Who ever heard of anything so archaic? Yes everyone including the French, go on coming to London especially “Sans Culottes” . But Boris you may be in danger of being an “aura popularis” in Deli or wherever, but we need to see just a little more gravitas perhaps. “Multi sunt vocati, pauci vero eleccto” Boris, which means, many are called but few are chosen … Boris is of course fluent in Latin!!! He has a lot riding on that unique popularity of his, all the others are a disaster …. Don’t blow it my friend. .we need you.

The washing machine has been more or less constant over the last forty-eight hours and there are presently fourteen odd socks . The Sainted One hates mess and has a habit of moving piles of extraneous items to different places. I spend much time searching for them and there was yet again the missing umbrella drama. At the moment , there is also an in-depth enquiry about the origin of turkey remains, of some sort which have found their way into the garden .. I am fully aware of the truth, as are the other residents, but our lips are sealed. Talking of Turkeys, we all wish Dave would start running the country instead of launching enquiries. They never produce anything except the absurd suggestion that lessons have been learnt. Get a life Dave just living is an enquiry in itself, there is nothing you can tell us with this fatuous waste of time and money.

Thanksgiving and Can I Put a Wash On?

This is a family crowded with incident.One of  the enchanting cousin is here from Texas bringing with her all the extraordinary family history. Hence the turkey in the oven and Kiss Me Kate at the Old Vic last night. A gathering of some of the many other cousins is about to take place, however the turkey seemed quite raw when I got back from church where much reference was made to Gay Marriage and women Bishops. The latter is obviously a no brainer, once women were accepted for ordination I personally don’t understand what the problem is. Women bring so much to the table as is instanced by our local church, this is a natural development, opposing it is not logical.

Beatrice the spaniel had taken a turn for the worse after eating a biro. She is now on a drip with the wonderful David Cuffe in Abbeville Road . God was kind making sure that he was there today because dog dramas make me very emotional and he had to speak quietly to me in a reassuring manner so as not to upset the other dogs and owners. My grandson, who lives here is also good at this and knows exactly how to diffuse these moments of high drama … it is all so simple really, I wish the Sainted One could learn this but you can’t teach an old dog new tricks can you? I wonder if he would benefit from a visit to the vet, I mean you never know do you? The family did rally quite well when I had a burn out and they came out of their various comfort zones to great effect. When I got back from the vet all was serene.

I wish David Cameron and his acolytes would stop messing with the church, hasn’t he got enough to deal with? He is further dividing the country by focusing on this issue of gay marriage . Leave it alone Dave, “fools rush in where angels fear to tread.”

Naim Attallah’s Wise Words on the Horrible Subject Of Sally Bercow.

The two names should not be mentioned in the same sentence. It is an insult to the great man. However it is a joy to hear someone saying what should have been said a long time ago. Read Naim’s blog at Quartet Books. The real disgrace is that the Speaker of The House of Commons has not done something about this loose cannon of a woman. His wife has brought the role of Speaker to ridicule and dishonour and consequently she is a threat to democracy. The reputation of Politicians is at a low ebb anyway and this idiotic creature would not be of any interest if she were not the wife of this man, what on earth is going on? Do they need the money which she has gained from her disgusting circus? Is this man turned on by this display of irresponsible behaviour and seeing his wife half clothed in a sheet all over the tabloids? Has this woman given a thought to the life she has ruined by her celebrity blabbering? The latest victim of this is an elderly man of impeccable credentials, who has given a life of public service and lives in blameless retirement battling with ill health. If I were him I would give one last great service to our great country and the democratic system by suing for stress and every other thing he can chuck at her … “if you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas,” sorry all dogs you deserve better. I feel sorry for the Bercow’s children. For God’s sake Bercow, in a vernacular your wife would enjoy, tidy up your domestic life or butt out.

If Pigs Could Fly?

So NHS army medical core surgeons are giving pigs a nice breakfast containing sedatives and then Anaesthetizing them; the animals are then unceremoniously strung up for target practice , where trained marksmen shoot them at close range, to inflict the most serious injuries they can without causing instant death. Hopefully still unconscious, but who knows, they are lovingly covered in blankets and taken to operating theatres where experimental surgery can be practised?  This is to simulate battle injuries and their treatment. Does one think they are then given counselling and copies of Hello magazine and have their toenails painted to simulate recovery procedure… no such luck little pigs, you are then killed and dumped on an animal waste site. I read this in The Mail On Sunday, and by the way this is happening in Denmark it is part of Nato’s Definitive Trauma and Care Course.

When asked about this, the course director apparently replied that pigs were the best subjects for this because of their anatomical similarity to humans. This was one of the most revolting examples of obscene behaviour I had read recently, although in a world where the mass murder of innocent children is now considered acceptable I suppose it should not come as at all surprising. Jung said that once man lost respect for the animal kingdom he was lost. WHEN DID ALL THIS BECOME OK? We should all be grateful to the journalists who sniff out these stories, it is certain they put themselves on the line by doing them. Join Compassion in World Farming now .. this is one thing you can do to heighten awareness of animal abuse.

“I ‘ll Just Put You On Hold”

“I’ll just put you on hold,” don’t let them do that to you whatever you do, it really means is “I will leave you there until you are found slumped unconscious with the receiver on the floor.” The whole country is on hold at the moment, it seems, while it hears that one hundred and ten million pounds has been spent on the election of Police Commissioners. People were not interested, and the desultory turn out of fourteen per cent was hardly surprising as most people didn’t know who the candidates were anyway. Nobody in this house voted, because we didn’t support the idea in the first place, but maybe it will work out in the end. But think of all that money which could have been spent on an anonymous trained helpline for all those poor girls who were being abused and in some cases murdered. I bet they were “popped on hold” when they should have been given protection and care. The other catch phrase which drives me nuts is “lessons will be learned from this” they seldom are.

On the domestic front, the pheasants were moved to the garden shed. This morning my grandson went to get them to prepare them for Sunday lunch, he has a strong stomach, but it didn’t take long for him to establish they were by now unfit for human consumption. The whole affair has been very traumatic, food for thought if nothing else. But this was not the only area in which feathers flew. At lunch, the Sainted One, who had gained many good points by painting the lodgers bathroom, and being generally quite obliging, recklessly squandered them all by unexpectedly raising the matter of the romantic dinner he paid for in the local bistro last week. This was in the same context as the “Profligate!” spending at the local farmers market the week before. He does live on the edge…..we went out to a very enjoyable party at Daphne’s (the duck breast did not have quite the usual allure because I was still very emotional about the pheasants, and thought how they should still be happy in the country with all their friends and relatives). The Sainted One sat between two very beautiful ladies and they both remarked on what a lovely evening they had spent with him, and said how lovely it must be to be married to such a treasure. An evil saying came into my mind, something about “street angel home—-“ I gave one of my enigmatic smiles.

Spiders and Blood

Terrible screams from the larder. Joanna my cleaning assistant saw the pheasants. Then there were more because a spider came lolloping out of the corner alerted by the commotion, you know how spiders love a bit of drama. Joanna and moi are both arachnophobic. Recently I have been like Donna Corleone with various assaults from the blameophobics, so I am empowered and was very brave. Spider in hoover and birds now hanging from fence in garden. Faint signs of approval from Sainted One, as I said I would pay for all the Christmas presents for the sixteen descendants I suppose that is reasonable … also the birds on the fence could be interpreted as a deterrent to squirrels . War everywhere actually … am going out for a raucous lunch with a whole lot of glamorous women, a lot of them from Norway. Actually Sandy my fox will love the pheasants. Watch this space.