Simon Russell-Beale, Privates On Parade and Girls Get Yourself a Gay Boy Friend.

Groups of shrieking women trying to pretend they are having a nice time is a sad sight. Doesn’t matter how old you are ladies, a smattering of Gay blokes in your address book is what you need. They are terribly funny and witty and they have great manners because, by and large they like sparky women and, as is instanced in the terrific show Private On Parade, they are good friends to women in distress.  They do not have issues as so many ageing men do, the principle one being that even if they are talking to a presentable middle aged rocket scientist who is female , they still feel obliged to let her know, indeed to let the world know, that they are fecund matinee idols who would not go anywhere near the whiff of HRT and carry condoms in their pockets and not for health reasons, dream on sunshine. Never mind the fact that you might be gagging at the nasal hair and bad teeth. So much nicer to be with a delightful well kept gay bloke who laughs at your jokes and knows you are not trying to hit on anything. That’s why I am so nervous about Gay marriage, it won’t be the same if they all want to bring her indoors along. Also how will gay marriages be annulled for non-consummation? Has anyone thought about this seriously?

I was rather hit at lunch time with my joke about the two ladies at the cinema, one complains to the other that her neighbour is masturbating . The friend suggests they move and the reply is that they can’t because “ he is using my hand.” I love that and so did everyone .. you see these are all clever enlightened people who have raunchy senses of humour, it is the only way.

I am presently reading Patrick O’ Brian’s Unknown Shore, part of the research for my new book about the Georgian Navy and the much maligned George II. I ask myself again why history is so badly taught when it is so exciting and relevant? It is good thing I have that inner private world to delve into . There are some things which are best avoided and as such a lot of the world is bullshit, I have discovered the ubiquitous tactic of obfuscation. Which is the “Conference Call ” which excuses you from vexatious, pretending to be nice occasions. People look very respectful and impressed especially when you say it is very confidential and sensitive, recently it has been very useful.

Over the weekend I was with some very dear friends and before we new it we found ourselves casting a spell on some persons we all recognized as phony ruthless idiots, who will one day find out that it is not a good idea to create hostages to fortune . Bang goes my new year resolution to only think kind thoughts. Actually this is not possible. Its the same as never having a drink, you then become such a bore that there is nobody to drink with anyway.

One last thing. There is something that still worries me about the disparity of fair play within the area of civil partnerships many of which are embarked upon for tax reasons. How about two elderly sisters living in the family home and when one of then dies the house has to be sold. Do they have to have sex to embark on the necessary Civil partnership?

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