Shock Horror Hilary Mantel Wanted to Eat The Queen.

I had to hide the Sunday Times from our more sensitive guests on Sunday. As if Sunday Lunches are not challenging enough especially after the horsemeat scandal. I looked suspiciously at the gravy stock cubes and then I picked up the paper with a nice cup of organic coffee. Low and behold there is Marquee woman Mantel again and she is telling us all how often she meets the royal family. Fine so far except I have always been told that when you talk about having tea with the Queen it is time for the men in the white coats. Any way there she was in Buck House none other, and she and the Queen are close so close that and I quote “I stared at her …….I passed my eyes over her as a cannibal views his dinner…..my gaze sharp enough to pick the meat off her bones …..there were only two of us in the vast room and such was the hard power of my stare that Her Majesty looked back at me.”

The point of the piece was, I think, that the Queen was unhappy with her lot and would rather prefer to be a frightfully clever woman writing books about dead Royals and living in a small flat in some sort of seaside town. Well got news for you Marquee Cannibal woman , I too have met the Queen, quite often actually, in an official capacity and she has a dazzling smile and perfect teeth and people who meet her are usually very struck by the way she makes them feel interesting and are generally thrilled by the experience. People who know her well tell me she is a profoundly happy resolved person, who loves her family and has an uproarious sense of humour and is a load of fun, and would be the first to clean up a dogs mess off the royal carpet . She is of course respected and revered by all who meet her….(except for Marquee Woman) , added to which she is highly intelligent and probably the most well informed woman in history; as well as having an encyclopaedic memory . So Marquee woman get your teeth out of the Royal family, both alive and long dead and out of whom you have made a great deal of money. Meet the Queen properly Marquee woman and she would make mincemeat of you…..I just thought of that don’t you think it is clever !!!All this makes me wonder if Mantel does have some sort of eating disorder, is that related to weird looking teeth? I mean how many folk do you know who think about eating the Queen?

Watch this space because. I bet Marquee woman will soon tell her PR team that she is directly descended from Henry 8th . Humm.

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