Believe me Greyhounds do not make good bedfellows. I know this because you see I am known for my insane affection towards dogs to whom I attribute superhuman qualities of intelligence and charm. And dogs can tell and so can people particularly members of my family whose dogs I have housed over the years , because they all know one look from those limpid eyes and I am a sucker. One such was a very beautiful black greyhound whom I was assured had to sleep in the bedroom coiled neatly and obediently on the bedroom floor because he had panic attacks if he was left alone. It was OK to start with until one night he crept up onto the bed and infiltrated his way between the sheets, and then lay stretched out beside me resting his head seraphically on the pillow. I awoke feeling rather hot and in the darkness became aware of this sleek moist body next to mine wearing a thick studded collar , semi comatosed my mind raced with a mixture of hallucinatory pleasure followed by alarm. The light revealed the sleeping form and I turfed him out of the bed. His response was to squat on the floor ( for some reason he never learnt to lift his leg ) and do a giant pee on the carpet.
Over the coming days many attempts were made to clean the carpet and the stain just got bigger experts came and said it was no problem,more attempts turned it purple and then on the final go it went to a rich amber yellow. It looked like a map of England except I think many people would have thought there could possibly be a human explanation, as it is right by the bed . Consequently not many people have been into my room for at least three years. Until yesterday when I bit the bullet and ordered a new carpet. I covered the stain with a rug and the fitter was none the wiser . However soon they will come to take the the pee stain up. I am worried in case they think it was me, and I know they will not believe that I slept with a greyhound. Last night I dreamed I had beard and awoke trying to pull it out. My psychotherapist friend said it is a Jungian dream and it means I am trying to get rid of my masculine side. I know it has something to do with the pee stain because the greyhound had confused sexuality and peed like a bitch. I am going to be through this soon I wonder what the future holds?