Boris Hung Out to Dry. Weapons Of Mass Destruction and the Dangers of Double Dipping.

So there was Boris hung up by his under pants on a zip wire, actually this must have been very painful and cramped his style for a bit, this could only happen in England. We are a very quirky race, and contrary to the words of the great Doctor Johnson “ nothing odd will do long”, we love eccentricity, and if you are clever with it, you can get away with most things. Foreigners must wonder who the hell this overweight albino clown actually is? He has eyes that are so close together he could be a Cyclops, his legs are like traffic bollards,  and for the most part he looks like a large blowsy unmade bed. But he is lovable funny and heart-warmingly human he doesn’t give a damn what he looks like, and has moments of brilliance, and everyone adores him.  But the sharp deflections we have come to admire and love  were  not in evidence in the last few days, surely he knew he would be asked about his sexual adventures and relationships with criminals when he bought into the recent bout of publicity. But no, he was wrong footed by all the predictable elephant traps, surely a deft response to the question about why he denied an extramarital affair to Michael Howard, could have had a more witty reply such as, in Boris speak like “ Well come on old fruit, who would trust a man who told the truth about his private life?” But no we had the Boris dandruff dispersal routine, the roughing of the famous golden locks and lots of incoherent bluster. People love him because he is a clever rogue, but we look for more in a future PM and the man needs to reinvent himself, reveal the gravitas underneath the clowning,  he probably will because somewhere in there is a canny operator, watch this space. I remember as a little boy, he was called Alexander, so it won’t be the first time.

So Flapjacks are now a now a danger to the public. Someone got injured in a food fight and had a sore eye. I hope there are parliamentary questions on this issue. Now there will probably be legislation on the precise cutting of a flapjack and food police will sniff you out if you cut them diagonally , this will probably apply to marmite sandwiches as well . Honestly, we are all quite mad, which is why Boris is such an unlikely hero. One piece of fabulous news however is that little Thusha Kamaleswaran who was shot and paralyzed while shopping in Stockwell by gangland cross fire, is going to walk again. This should have been headline news not the boring flapjack sensation.

There was a get-together of some interesting members of the Anson Family, of whom I am one, at the weekend and the pioneering spirit of our communal ancestor the great Admiral who circumnavigated the globe in1740 was much in evidence. It is too late for me now to achieve great acts of daring, so I do the next best thing which is writing about them . I am just researching a real life character called Blackadder who discovered the connection between some sort of skin necrotic illness and the dirty cloths used for cleansing wounds on board ship. I guess some hospitals should read up his research. This is one of the reasons I won’t have people putting their spitty forks in the Hellman’s. There was quite a row with the Sainted One at dinner last night over this, he pulled out the old chestnut about how I wouldn’t have lasted long in the Army. I am very quick you know, I replied, that with him in charge the Army wouldn’t have lasted long anyway. Boris should come to me for some tips in nastiness, it is the only way when the chips are down or being double dipped. There was a lot of sniggering about double dipping last night in the all male household , they think I don’t understand , but believe me I do, there is a lot they don’t know.

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