Men Who Shake Out Their Socks Before Sex, Opera Plots, and Would You Have Sex With A Hunky Turkish Prince To Save Your Brother’s Life?

Once a sock shaker before Sex, a man will never change, Ladies look out for this at the start of your romantic journey through life because it is a metaphor for many other things. If you go with the sock shaker you will always come second to the job in hand, if you will forgive the pun. Whatever magical moment occurs, it will be examined carefully in the light of the domestic trivia at the time, the magic will evaporate quickly as you are asked, for example, if you have put chemicals in the loo recently..? Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

We were entertained last night by a most charming and erudite host at Garsington Opera , the venue is superb, a fantastic edifice perched in the middle of luscious greenery, in the Chiltern Hills, with a recently planted Italian garden. You watch the performance as the evening steals into the trees and the sun dips and catches it all as if you were floating, truly a midsummers night dream. But One can see why this work Maometto Seconda is rarely performed. Rossini drew the story from history , that is to say one of the many mythical versions on it . We have Greeks and Turks and the virginity of the heroine Anna at play here. She is the daughter of Enrisso, Governor of a Venetian outpost about to be overrun by Turkish Muslims led by the hunky Maometto. This is a kind of tug of love because she met him before when she thought he was someone else and she very much wanted to have sex with him . But now he is Maometto, she thinks this would be a betrayal of father so she agrees to marry a small bloke called Calbo, who has a woman’s voice instead, knowing that once she has proved her honour she will stab herself. This decision is quite clear from the start, but it takes her two hours to get around to it. I had an irresistible desire to rise to my feet and cry out “Why Wait”. But I did not because the pastoral panorama outside was so very marvellous and one rarely has a chance to see it as a homing pigeon “as when the dove laments her love all on the naked spray” high up in the trees (Handel of course) .

But I did have a most terrible coughing fit which, I think was nerves actually, because some blighter kept flying a helicopter over the opera house, rather too close I thought. This did not faze the singers who given the idiocy of the plot were outstanding in every way. It was clear from the start that the Turkish Ravisher was no sock shaker, whereas the small one could not be depended upon to enter into the spirit of a rapturous moment. There was a very posh lady near me who did not look like the sort who would have sex in anything other than the most propitious of circumstances. And it is she who said quite clearly that she would sleep with someone to save a relatives life and would not have resisted the delicious Moslem Turk. You see Rossini did not understand women at all, suicide is not a good option.

The Sainted One has been very popular this week entertaining many of the family at Wimbledon this week, I propose to let you all see some images of this after the men’s finals. Paddy the Painter is here again, he is a very good decorator and extremely amusing, he would make a fortune scripting a sit com. He gets a lot of material from this strange household, he removed the handles from the charming lodgers door last night ,so the poor man was trapped inside until I heard his very polite tapping at his door at eight AM. He is a very important surgeon, I do not know how such an excuse for cancelled surgery would have been received. As Paddy is doing the entire stairwell of this five story house, he is privy to all the comings and goings and does not know exactly who all the people are, neither do I actually.

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