Recovery From Holiday From Hell and Can You Catch a Herpes From a Moose?

I am still recovering from the awful holiday , but it did at least make me grateful for , hot water, a loo that works , a sick free carpet, lights in the passage way and the absence of burley German windsurfers trying to kill you,  and then of course there was the pool which would strip the flesh off your bones, if you ever made it down the rickety forty seven dangerous steps and managed to extricate your feet from the wet pool paint .  It is also nice not to have the recurring stories about peoples divorces, and drivel straight from the mouths of clichéd therapists, who should take a good look at what they are doing, but then there is a sucker born every minute and each minute is expensive….. After ten years these persons should move on, but avoid trying to date taxi drivers who feel it necessary to say they are very much in”herloff” with their beautiful wives, they must think all English women are hags and rampant sex maniacs, even the ones with several face lifts and trout mouths dressed like Barbie dolls… it is the arms which give it all away, these should be concealed, as should the thighs bosoms and so on.

Tramping round hot cities looking for action with persons who require lavatories that can accommodate the sudden relief of constipation as a result of their vanity anorexia, for ten hours on the “trot” hope you get the pun, is my idea of hell , even Hugh Jackman would not be sufficient incentive, and that is saying something. Old ladies who have not provided any form of enhancement to a man with whom they have not resided for many years should get over the idea of “Taking the Bastard to the cleaners”, I never have quite understood that phrase, perhaps it has something to do with sexual hygiene?

But now I am in heaven, a beautiful creature called Annabel in the kitchen and fourteen family members coming here , there are five loos, lots of hot water and the biggest swimming pool in the world, called the Solent five yards away. What more could you ask for? I asked the Sainted One on the first night we arrived what he thought was good about the thirty years we are soon to celebrate together , not counting the before marriage bit , and he said “the house looks nice and it was good to have a drop of rain.” Well I guess in every life a little of that must fall, one of our guests has a Herpes on his chin he says he got it chasing Moose in a boat,!!!!!

I am so glad I am suitably rounded for a grannie of twelve and adopted one of four, ( which is a great honour) you see I had my first child when I was twelve….  ) I adore food and a serious drink and have lots of relations who have the same sense of humour as moi. This is the best holiday in the world. Some of the one hundred tenants this summer removed six very nice pillows and broke into the locked medicine chest, they did not find the one thing which would have given them most pleasure …….. watch this space.

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