Apparently nearly all men pick their noses, women are less keen on this probably because it might smudge their make up or whatever. This weekend I had some horrible things to contend with as per the sheer arrogance of the male race who by and large think anything goes and matters of hygiene are for sissies. Mind you being by nature very squeamish these unpleasant visions did wonders for my diet. On the way back from a very elegant gathering in the country on Saturday night we stopped at a Gastro Pub for lunch, actually it should be renamed The “Streptocock” or some such. The place was filthy with tables so thick with grease that your elbows stuck to them like glue, they were short staffed a slutty girl explained. Then it happened, the sweaty youth who was to bring our food had something like a soiled nappy hanging from the back of his trousers just at the top of the cleavage, half the cloth was firmly tucked into that vile area like a sort of but wiper. I gasped in amazement as he pulled it out with a flourish giving his derriere a thorough floss as he did so and proceeded to wipe the plates with it. Sorry folks but is it just the Brits who are so filthy ? As if that was not enough I encountered a man earlier who had a large shiny protuberance sticking out of his forehead, I am told it is an enlarged sebaceous cyst and that rather like Vesuvius it could blow at any minute. This I have also established is easily removable. That is the F—-K You attitude I am getting at. There was another one with a large blackhead on the end of his nose and several examples of nasal and ear hair.
Well thanks to that I have lost four pounds. That and after spending most of my life pretending I can enjoy eating fish I discover that my revulsion to it is because I am a Piscean, and obviously it’s like eating yourself, I did cod for the boys last week and the whole house smelt of it for days. It put me into a depression. Its better now because I went to Peter Jones and bot twelve scented candled and six diffusers.
Got to go back to the George 2nd drawing room. My villain has just appeared his name is Sir Hartley Shagwell.