Balls Hits Out Below the Belt, Vodka down The Drain and The Pre Cohabitation Pre Nup.

With a name like Balls, you would think that remarks about the area where those things are normally kept, except of course the sporting variety, would be avoided. Well no  actually, there is Ed of the swimmy eyes at the Labour “Knees up” making a jibe at Dave for making do with a small mickey mouse towel when changing out of his knickers after a swim. I think he meant that he would have required an enormous one to hide his modesty in similar circumstances. The whole idea is too awful to think of, well there you are then we know now don’t we. Moving on.

The atmosphere here is rather frosty of late, it maybe because the Sainted One voluntarily went to get a new bottle of vodka. This unusual act of spontaneity puzzled me . I think this was because he knew that various relatives were coming to stay and the vodka consumption rises considerably. The new bottle was left ostentatiously on the kitchen table. It was of an obscure make and the first sip revealed tasted like drain cleaner. One of the clan poured it down the sink which had up until then been rather blocked, there was a hissing sound and then miracle the water flowed again without protest. We moved onto very good claret…. God Moves in Mysterious Ways. My adorable Polish cleaning assistant replaced the vodka today with the proper stuff.

But this morning an astonishing thing occurred, the S.O addressed a remark to me, it was about the autumn mist. Before I could respond the issuing figure disappeared up the stairs. Conversations before luncheon must never be of a personal nature, this ban has been subtly extended to dinner, but the weather is usually safe. I will not suggest a Vodka and Tonic tonight, that might start something off again you know, like the glass of wine thing. “So you want a glass of wine?” …. “Yes I would rather like one,” … “Why do you want one?”…..” because I feel like one, it has been a long day”………. “You’re getting rather fat round the middle , are you sure you want one?” … “ Yes I am quite sure,”…….. “ “But you had one yesterday”……. “ No that was last Friday,”…… “ Well if you are quite sure,” … “ Yes I am quite sure,”….. “What happened to the Vodka I got , the bottle was full,”……. NO RESPONSE FROM MOI…….. “ So you want a glass of wine, there was some open yesterday,” …… “It was only a glass, it has gone,” ….. “Gone where, who drank it?”……… “ I don’t know,”……. “ So you still want a glass of wine, do you want me to open another bottle?” Five minutes later after more of the same…… “ I don’t want a frigging glass of wine now, so you know what can do with it.”

It works you see, my psychotherapist friend tells me it’s classic passive aggressive. They always get what they think they want, the big question is how much do they actually enjoy it when they get it?

It has come to my attention that young men are resistant to cohabiting with girls nowadays because they are quite likely to be turfed out of their own property and replaced by a beefy central European sports trainer who will reap the benefits of their thrift and hard work, and in one case I heard of the hapless victim had to go on paying the mortgage.

This needs careful attention…  pre cohabitation agreements!

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