Laugh we are all in fits, I never thought I would learn to cook because my mother did sometimes, but sadly she dried her knickers on a rack above the aga and they dripped into the fried eggs which bubbled up all blue so I used to feed it all to the Pekinese.
I did some gardening the weekend and uncovered the most enchanting little vole in a flower pot, it scuttled off and another one popped its head out of a tiny hole which was presumably it’s front door. The Sainted One has to interfere of course and immediately covered up the little front door with a mound on earth. Honestly I nearly went for him with the gardening gloves, happily I was reassured at a gathering later of very posh persons ( I will not drop names because I am sufficiently confident of my astonishing ancestry not to have to do so!!!!) that voles live underground, sure enough the next day there was a new front door. The SO still remains a perfidious villain.
My granddaughters wallet missing for a week has just been pushed through the letter box here complete with a twenty pound note .. you see what I mean about God.