Where Do You Find a Horney Cow?!!!

So where do you find a “horney” cow of the four legged kind that is? Apparently a man found one in North London (if the Times is to be believed) not only a cow but some sheep with a come on sort of look. Well yep he found them and he was prosecuted at Wood green Crown court for bestiality. He must have been pretty desperate really because there are not many of those about in North London. The cow caught his eye and he was trying to persuade it to do a sex act on him. Now how do you think he set about it? What was his smooth talking line? Was it “love your udders darling fancy a bit of rough” or what? Well it obviously didn’t work and for that I blame the cow, yes I really do, it should have just made the best of it;  but the sheep, they are quite another matter. I have been told that sheep can have a wayward turn in the eye, and to be frank I have seen a few with a very odd suspicious look, and how do we know the sheep didn’t start it and then they dobbed him in ? I mean you never know with sheep. Anyway the wretched judge had to come on very strong with the jury, who were giggling so much that he sent them to recover themselves with stern warnings, it is possible one of them said he didn’t know what the fuss was about because he had been banging and old cow for some time . I am so glad I was not on that jury, I would have been uncontrollable and probably banged up for contempt of court.

The Buda With a chip On His Shoulder, The Nipote, and The Pink Dressing Gown.

So, “Mandela’s wall is getting on very well, yesterday whilst digging out the foundations of the original which was built in about 1860 the brilliant Guys found a little bronze Buda. I put him in the dishwasher and he came out beautifully except that he has a chip on his shoulder. The Nipote who likes the atmosphere here and works well on his degree in the calm but at the same time busy life in this rather odd establishment discussed this over a bowl of soup. How did such a thing get there in 1860? I am now obsessing about it, many explanations are brewing, all of them intriguing.

Just as intriguing is the allocation of laundry in this house, The Sainted One asked my hunky grandson if the pink dressing gown with the frilly neck belonged to him the other day. I am puzzled by this kind of thing, I know my support hose gets worn by many people, so I have given up wearing it myself. Everyone of a similar age around me is very ill at the moment, I have made a shrine to the little Buda to pray for them. He was buried all those years for a reason, does the chip mean something ????? Watch this space.

Happy Pigs, Ginger Pigs and Compassion in World Farming.

Philip Lymbery director of Compassion in World Farming has written a book called Farmageddon. It will make your hair stand on end, but read it you need to know!!!! Pigs are happy intelligent creatures more so than dogs actually. I saw an undercover report on the abuse of pigs which put me off meat for a long time, my family did not appreciate this but then a branch of butchers called “The Ginger Pig” opened near us so we were back to the bacon butties, these people care about where their meat comes from. Not many people do its all about less but better.

The Sainted One is strangely offended today, Dave has come to clean the windows you see and the SO cleaned one of them the other day thinking it would postpone the event, which is considered a profligate extravagance. It did not fool me actually since it was the kitchen window, the assumption being I suppose that I should be allowed a glimpse of the outside world from there. Dave and moi say they were last done in September the SO says it was December … now I ask you all you know me well by now whom do you believe?

People sometimes say nice things about my books, so I suppose they read them then. They spoil it all by saying they have loaned their copy to twenty people and there is a waiting list , I ask you mate is that fair, no it is not? One copy is the price of one and a half cups of coffee or two packs of loo role…… no unnecessary vulgarity please.

Crossing Prams, Back to The Codpiece, and Mandela’s Wall.

So how was I to know that the Silver Cross pram was in fact a collector’s item? Well I didn’t until I advertised it for sale for fifty quid. That was a while ago and subsequently I learn that royal babies are put in them.  Now everyone wants it, and I am loathe to part with such a prize at any price and one of my fecund children hasn’t even started to fill prams yet, never mind the bevy of desirable granddaughters; so it is restored to its rightful place in the Isle of Wight. I believe in the coincidental theory, so watch this space. It won’t be empty for long.

Chance is a fine thing, and at last the marmalade is made, the beds are fresh and some are even empty and the Sainted One’s quarters have been spring cleaned, so I opened the door again and walked back into my book Summers Grace and found they were all much as I had left them, so the codpiece rules … that’s how it was and still is to a very large extent (excuse the metaphor , I just cannot help them you see that is how it is when you are a sharp witty genius ) for which I am so admired and adored !!!! except by the SO who does not share this view. Well you can’t win them all.

My very special neighbour is very ill and I am in a hurry to get on with Mandela’s wall, now so called because of the great people who are making it after it blew down in the storm…. We will have a good spring enjoying a new garden etc if God is kind.

Jungle Law, Eating and Survival.

Nope the tiger picture was not taken in South London but somewhere hot by my beyond beautiful granddaughter Georgiana just after breakfast.  I took one of the biggest fox , I kid you not it was the size of a pig, at the same time yesterday. It was determined to get the panatone left out for the birds. My dogs were scared witless and have gone to have nervous breakdowns in the country. Actually there is always a jungle war somewhere, often perpetuated by the instant kill factor of the e mail exchange its’ so awful to get the whole idiotic saga on one message and it is usually about nothing at all of any real interest. Meanwhile my grandson is eating for the world to stock up spare fat for the polar winter in Manchester. We have a new butcher called The Ginger Pig our menus have notched up quite a bit no mass killings here you see, we want happy pigs join Compassion in World Farming !!!!!! it is the way to go.

Melanie Ried, Twelve Years a Slave, and Nemesis is Just Around the Corner.

Yep, there was Melanie having a lovely morning on her beloved horse, and there she is the old Nemesis stalking, waiting, and striking and Melanie, in the blinking of an eye, is tetraplegic. And there is Solomon, a clever middle class black Guy with a picket fence, a lovely family and a gift on the violin. In a single second they are both prisoners, one in her own body and the other on a slave plantation. They both survived Melanie in her head, because she is an astonishing woman. Solomon as played in this remarkable film by Chiwetel Ejoifor, because of his intelligence, and one tiny shaft of decent behaviour in a sink of unimaginable brutality These are both salutary stories, Melanie talks in the Times about health checks and taking your spaniel for a walk in the sun. She hits the spot that woman, I know how lucky I am to be able to take my Spaniels for a walk in the sun, and how lucky I am not to be seriously poor or paralyzed believe me Nemesis we are afraid. Perhaps Saint George, and Pope Dave are also giving a thought to “the Poor”? they don’t see many of them in Notting Hill, Westminster or Oxfordshire though, which is why George has just allocated eleven billion pounds to the poor in other parts of the world, because we are so lucky you see; we don’t have poor people here do we??? Look around George and Dave go to Iceland on the Isle of Wight for starters or Kings Cross in the middle of the night. Twelve Years a Slave is a terrifying film, I didn’t see many black people there, I don’t blame them, I don’t suppose they could stomach it. I came out ashamed to be white and had to go to bed for two days.

Everything you do and say has a consequence, when most of my family died when I was very young, I thought then that I had been singled out, and that God had it in for me and three kind good people he snatched, two of them so young , that is why many years later I started to work for Cruse Bereavement Care. The man who I went to see first of all had been appointed to care for Welsh Village where all its young had been suffocated in a slide from a coal tip. I learned that I was not different, when those grieving parents learned that they also found the great camaraderie of the human spirit. Go and see Solomon’s story but eat first.