The Literary Festival, The Dripping Tap, and “Priapic”

I have recently performed in a literary festival, I had a lovely audience all of who were serious writers and particularly wanted to talk about historical faction which as you all know !!!! is my genre. They made notes and one of them drew my picture. It was all very humbling and I found it rewarding and I hope it was for them. However there is ever what they call a snake in the fruit bowl This was a heckler who came noisily into the back when I was in full flow and began to interrupt with fatuous questions. I was very impressed with my audience who all swivelled their chairs and gave her the death stare for which I will always love them. The offender had the last word though , those sorts always do , she left noisily did not close the door and her voice could be heard like a clarion call echoing down the long marble corridor.. “that woman talks pure bollocks,” there was more but it is too hurtful to repeat. However the outrage caused was very gratifying and it does not bode well for her.

We have a dripping tap in the kitchen , relatively easy to sort out one might think but no! I think more women should qualify as plumbers and world would be a far better place. Women just do not have the sort of barmy conversations about these kind of things, I have spent many hours now on this, men love talking smut about ball cocks, fossets nuts and as per, the foreign gentleman, cock stops, they have a funny look on their faces when they do this, and I will not be sent mad by it no I will not.

“It is the duty of the nobleman to provide employment for the artisan” we are told by Hilaire Bellock, well I think I may become a plumber so noble men watch your backs.I can talk bollocks as well.

In the same mode I recently remarked to the Sainted One that men were very priapic and as the sad recurrence of sex crimes flashes (this is a pun) on our screens and in the papers men were obsessed with that part of their anatomy, and a lot of them seem to want show it to people. The response was instant and visceral “You women are just as bad he said, always thinking about their…..” I thought quickly about how difficult it was for women to expose themselves if they had the urge which none of them do , I mean you would have to lie down or something and that would be so difficult on the school run in midwinter we are not designed for it, I have never heard of fanny flashing but it sets one thinking.

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