Steaming Vaginas, The Speakers Wife and Moses lost in Dartmouth Park.

Thank God for the “Times” , today it was hilarious the editorial team well on top of its game. Today I read that Gwyneth Paltrow (a celebrity) has been advocating steaming one’s Vagina. I was trying to work out exactly how to do this and concluded it might need the help of a third party and could not think who I could engage for this most ghastly of tasks. But thank heaven this has been as it were dismissed by the pundits, after all it breaches health and safety, not to say basic hygiene principles except as Baroness Trumpington said ref anal searches in the house of Lords…. “ only with rubber gloves and trained personnel “ (not the members)! It is in Hansard. Now back to Vaginal steaming , we are told that it is rumoured that the greatly loved Speaker of the House of Common’s wife Sally Bercow has been seeing a lot of her husband’s cousin, while her beloved was in his constituency during the election. He is married man with a family and I would like to submit that Mrs Bercow would never have been guilty of anything improper at such a time ….. when her husband’s job was on the line as it is he may be hung out to dry with her knickers, as it were. No people, she may have been a devout follower of Paltrow’s advice and needed a close and intimate relative to help her in order that she could welcome her adored husband home after his battles, fresh and fragrant as a virgin. Now what could be more innocent than that? Could one suggest that her husband could also be referred to by the popular word that describes the organ in question, if he does not have one or two unsavoury questions to ask or even cries of “odour, odour “ you know I really meant “ “order”, it was a metaphoric slip on my part.

Now for some sound common sense, our close friend Amber Rudd is rightly set for promotion to office in Cameron’s government. When asked if Dave’s attitude to Gay marriage might damage the vote in her constituency, she replied “ I doubt that people will be thinking about anal sex at that time.” I tell you she is like all her family, a super star. And I love the way that she does not do power dressing, no stilettos, and body hugging revealing stuff for her it’s all in the head , you get what you see.

Then there is the matter of Milliband’s column umm… lost in Darkest Dartford Park, of course it was incomplete only six commandments. Where has it gone Moses lost in the wilderness strikes me as a good thought.

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