Switzerland, Depression, Michael Caine, and Opera Bores.

Having just seen the Film “Youth” starring Michael Caine I suddenly twig just why I have always been so depressed by Switzerland. It’s not surprising that it is the place people go to top themselves. My sister died there and so did my best friend they didn’t want to die, but watching the Michael Caine dirge was terminal, he doesn’t speak in cadences and doesn’t breath like other humans. It is set in some sort of luxury “end of life” Sanatorium, where all the attendants wear pale blue pyjamas ( I think it is an out of season ski hotel) I found myself losing the will to live. A more unlikely casting as a world famous conductor is hard to imagine, and besides he has horrid pig eyes with pale eyelashes which he should have started tinting years ago. He calmly watches while his best friend walks out of a window without a flicker of emotion. Well there you have it… the following night I sat next to the biggest bore of all time at dinner who spat into my food as he drivelled on about his famous father and then announced he “adored opera but did not like all the bits in between the good tunes”. Someone else kicked off then, neither knew the difference between a crochet or a quaver. Opera bores are the worst. I have come to dislike it because speaking as a failed singer as in most things actually I know too much about it you see. Give me ballet anytime because nobody can talk bollocks about it , you get what you see.

There is a ghastly mystery unfolding in our house at the moment it the case of the “Missing Golf Club” it is said to be very valuable and may even have been handled by a person on first name terms with a member of the Royal Family. Someone is not telling the truth which is a thing I abhor being frighteningly honest myself and incapable of dissembling which is why I would be a hopeless politician because they all invent it as they go along. I think I do know the truth, but revealing it opens up a Pandora’s box and reputations will be at risk. I am thinking carefully, which is unusual I find instant reactions are usually right. The Golf club is I am told a number five whatever that is, the time will come when someone will have to fess up …… watch this space.

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