Nobody can get her name right but it’s something like Andrea Loathsome, anyway breaking news is that she was not the Loo lady at that malodourous cauldron of Hot Air the Houses of Parliament ,and did not carry spare loo rolls in her monogramed dark green nylon pinafore; any rumours to that effect are being hotly denied by her team. What is not in dispute is that this lady has been present in the said venue for at least four years. She has Massive history in other areas, also hotly disputed by other persons who have no recollection of her. She is sticking to her story that she once worked in Sainsbury’s. Well that’s ok then she is admirably suited to be the next Prime Minister. Well done 1922 Committee of Conservative back benchers who came up with her. Oh and by the way she is also better than the vastly experienced Mrs May because she has proved (a long time ago) that her reproductive organs once functioned. This also works in her favour we are told movingly by her campaign team ( some of who also have these kinds of organs)…. hold on here, half the population does not have a functional womb and never will have despite advances in transgender surgery. So basically she is unique in that she is a MOTHER . She should see to her eye make up really she gives mothers a bad name.
I am very maternal at the moment because my spaniel is nesting and huge and I feed her constantly, people are so adorable as long as you are selective, everyone is helpful and smiley, they were not like that when the SO was in politics which was also a long time ago ( a fact of which I am constantly reminded) being a Tory wife was not all it’s cracked up to be. Being a writer is wonderful , I do all my own stuff you know , the residents here overlook this …. I know I am too old but the fact is I would make an excellent PM there is very little I have not done. Respect!