Blind Man’s Muff,Virginty, Compost and Grace Poole.

Virginity seems to be very much the thing at the moment. We hear a lot about it on Royal Programmes to which I am addicted because they are so ridiculous. Princess Diana was , we are assured in hushed reverent tones was a virgin when she married Our future King. I ask myself how they knew? Well she was only eighteen, but that doesn’t mean much does it? Anyhow I happen to know that Queen Victoria had never allowed anyone to look at her bits even after the birth of her many children her physician Sir James Clavell had never seen them and performed the deliveries in a kind of “ blind man’s muff”. When she died he was not a mite curious and had a good look at the carnage. A ghastly prolapse was revealed hence the voluminous black skirts I suppose.

My mother, who was quite partial to large quantities of sherry “God rest her” announced , at the engagement lunch with my exes very proper parents that when she got married she was a virgin. The table went very quiet and the Colonel choked on a glazed cherry, that night there was a protective rubber sheet on my single bed, I don’t think I stayed the night there again and I wished that I had got muddled at birth and I had another mother …… but it was not to be I think all my daughters were pregnant when they married, I think I was actually.

Yesterday morning I discovered a LAKE of dog diarrhoea outside the gate. I wretched and got a bucket of compost to let it dry out with massive warnings. The S.O. had hysterics because it was the best compost, he said he had been there while the owner allowed this to happen and he had had to walk over it twice to post a letter. I asked why he had not remonstrated answer came there none. He claims he is a man of peace…… not in his domestic affairs though I can tell you, “compostgate “ still rages uncontrollably.

I am very interested in the Character of Grace Poole….. !

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