Scurf Alert, Unsuccessful Suicides and The Blame Cake.

Really Boris previously known as Alexander. Stop the hair ruffle routine, Kim’s weapons in north Korea are as nothing, you have not had the worlds permission for the scurf proliferation . If this goes on, between you and Donald we are all at risk of death by scurf inhalation. There is so much of you both, all these skin cells are friendly fire, you are killing your own people. It really has to stop. No need to bomb Syria just send some deadly skin cells it will do the trick and there is plenty more where they came from !

Now, all you noose artists pill poppers, roof jumpers, wrist cutters ( known as unsuccessful suicides ) spare a long cold thought for the carnage left behind. It’s the “ Blame Cake” everyone wants a slice, like a charnel feast, one wretched hapless person will be focussed upon until it gets a bit dull and then the focus will be on another target. We have heard all the jargon, co-dependency being the peach, and the newest one is toxic interplay , what does all that mean? Sure I am co- dependent on the milkman he delivers milk I pay him etc…… what about ownership of your own life or use it or lose it. Try owning the life of some of the hundreds of brave disabled people who celebrate each and every breath which is so hard one and not so carelessly discarded.

I have had the misfortune of having to rest my right arm for six weeks, unable to use it, in order that it heels no right arm is no joke, my life imploded it made me grateful in so many ways, particularly to the NHS OMG are we lucky?

My new book is now back, my friend, it is the first time for thirty five years I have not been using the joy of words on paper so the elbow is lifting again another gin please.

Goodbye to the I phone Gateway to Hell, Van of a Thousand Days and The Elbow.

I am into the second day of life without the I phone, it has been the worst experience of my life which was entirely unecssary and isolating, pocking its horrible eyes out hysterics, people left bewildered by the wrong messages all of it, it has ruined my family life and cooking and sent me to hospital with high blood pressure, even the sight of it sent my heart rate into meltdown. Listen Melissa Kite get rid of it, Your piece in the Spectator did it for me that and the selfie someone tool of us on mine and sent to my contacts. The Shame of it! I have found an old Nokia and life is back to normal. I know now what all those frantic pocking people are doing on the bus … they are trying to work them . It is satanic control from another planet where one to one contact does not actually exist.

Well now I am back in my normal world of reality chaos things might improve ????? it is one thousand days since my dearest son moved back home with depression, he gave a party on Sunday it was very elegant and I did nothing except chat and sip wine … that is what normal people do . Maybe??? As for the other resident of “Rutting Stag “ fame the absence of the I phone may help to concentrate the mind . oh and just one other thing the writers elbow ( the price of fame) has been operated on but its efffluviating ( my new word). It contained itself in the Chelsea Physic Garden yesterday with the most famous literary agent in the world. A near perfect beautiful day. She suggested the new book could be called the Rutting Stag Diaries.”