Goodbye to the I phone Gateway to Hell, Van of a Thousand Days and The Elbow.

I am into the second day of life without the I phone, it has been the worst experience of my life which was entirely unecssary and isolating, pocking its horrible eyes out hysterics, people left bewildered by the wrong messages all of it, it has ruined my family life and cooking and sent me to hospital with high blood pressure, even the sight of it sent my heart rate into meltdown. Listen Melissa Kite get rid of it, Your piece in the Spectator did it for me that and the selfie someone tool of us on mine and sent to my contacts. The Shame of it! I have found an old Nokia and life is back to normal. I know now what all those frantic pocking people are doing on the bus … they are trying to work them . It is satanic control from another planet where one to one contact does not actually exist.

Well now I am back in my normal world of reality chaos things might improve ????? it is one thousand days since my dearest son moved back home with depression, he gave a party on Sunday it was very elegant and I did nothing except chat and sip wine … that is what normal people do . Maybe??? As for the other resident of “Rutting Stag “ fame the absence of the I phone may help to concentrate the mind . oh and just one other thing the writers elbow ( the price of fame) has been operated on but its efffluviating ( my new word). It contained itself in the Chelsea Physic Garden yesterday with the most famous literary agent in the world. A near perfect beautiful day. She suggested the new book could be called the Rutting Stag Diaries.”

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