Sitting in the restaurant in the park last weekend a man at the next table got his baby out of “its” pram gave its bottom a quick sniff and promptly laid it on the near us and proceeded to change the dirty nappy nappy. The father was a big fellow and I did not engage in a scene myself I pointed this out to a young waitress who came back with the manager who agreed that this was not acceptable. The offender had just the baby’s clothes back on put the dirty shepherds pie nappy in a bag and then wiped his hands on a paper napkin he left on the ta.ble. I explained to the very harassed manager that he should lose his catering licence for such a flagrant breach of health and safety… a rather feeble warning was delivered to the very unapologetic father who protested it was his child’s right to be made comfortable and that no actual shit was smeared on the table. moi demanded a swat team to come and sterilise the table. It was all rather depressing really I thought of all the door handles chairs and crockery which were now breeding faecal bacteria. No shepherds pie for me for a bit, Funny thing was that the man seemed to think this normal and his partner equally insouciant , I dread to think what their domestic and lavatory routines are at home.
Meanwhile my hygiene fetish continues undaunted. I have just had an operation on my foot and therefor the eighty nine year old cradle snatcher could not remain unsupervised in this very complex establishment . This was considered to be a very dark plot carried to extremes to empty the house in order to pursue the frightful drunken debauchery that is likely to occur here without a party pooper in a recliner chair……. it is probably the smell of bonfires that sometimes wafts up from the basement. plus all the ribald laughter etc Visual proof was demanded for his family that they were not being used for two days. I tell you even I would not go that far because I am a jolly decent person , I think it says a lot for my cooking … that was the real reason wasn’t it? but one does have rights you know. Yep it is definitely fifth column and isn’t it illegal to record people without there permission ???? Best of luck then and now you can get a gin and tonic in a tin… makes all the difference .