Shitty Nappy Sandwich,scandal of the Foot Spur, and Is this The Fifth Column?

Sitting in the restaurant in the park last weekend a man at the next table  got his baby out of “its” pram gave its bottom a quick sniff and promptly laid it on the near us and proceeded to change the dirty nappy  nappy. The father was a big fellow  and I did not engage in a scene myself I pointed this out to a young waitress who came back with the manager who agreed that this was not acceptable. The offender had just  the baby’s clothes back on put the dirty shepherds pie nappy in a bag and then wiped his hands on a paper napkin he left on the ta.ble. I explained to the very harassed manager that he should lose his catering licence for such a flagrant breach of health and safety… a rather feeble warning was delivered to the very unapologetic father who protested  it was his child’s right to be made comfortable and that no actual shit was smeared on the table. moi demanded a swat team to come and sterilise the table. It was all rather  depressing really I thought of all the door handles chairs and crockery which were now breeding faecal bacteria. No shepherds pie for me for a bit, Funny thing was that the man seemed to think this normal and his partner equally insouciant , I dread to think what their domestic and lavatory routines are at home.

Meanwhile my hygiene fetish continues undaunted. I have just had an operation on my foot and therefor the eighty nine year old cradle snatcher could not remain unsupervised in this very complex establishment . This was considered to be a very dark plot carried to extremes to empty the house in order to pursue the frightful drunken debauchery that is likely to occur here without a party pooper in a recliner chair……. it is probably the smell of bonfires that sometimes wafts up from the basement. plus all the ribald laughter etc Visual proof was demanded for his family that they were not being used for two days. I tell you even I would not go that far because I am a jolly decent person , I think it says a lot for my cooking … that was the real reason wasn’t it? but one does have rights you know. Yep it is definitely fifth column and isn’t it illegal to record people without there permission ????  Best of luck then and now you can get a gin and tonic in a tin… makes all the difference .


Stuff the internet

Same partner for forty years, same house for twenty five years, same adorable household assistant for twenty years, same pictures on the wall, same clocks that synchronise  on the hour  same dogs snoring for all my life ….as well as  sixteen and a half persons with all my inherited foibles, fury and fearless frenzy. And yet  reputation thank God would have it otherwise….., thank heavens for thatMarcus Aurelius, whom one should read a little each day tells us “All things must bow to natures law” the trouble starts when people do not.

A friend of mine made a casual enquiry about moi to some sort of feckless  ageing  sloane the other day the reply was a dark meaningful look that she knew all about Vanessa… bugger off I say she knows nothing about me at all, mostly how many pairs of knickers I have washed in my life , or how many meals i have cooked , that my dad invented ground to air radio , that my mother lived in a permanent alcoholic blur, but actually was probably a wonderful friend but a totally shit mother ….that I went to  school courtesy of the RAF benevolent fund, to which I was invited to speak as their most celebrated pupil ” I joke” but it was shut down days before said event.  Oh and that my grandfather bred the most beautiful little  horse of all time …in West Texas a long time a go.  but….. Moi? nah… Mind you I  read one my first novels the other day  … it was about parliamentary life OMG it was so blooming accurate twenty five years later.   One of he reviewers claimed the man was such a such self centred bastard that he didn’t deserve the nice ending he got….. “you know who” still has no clue about the characters and does not identify with them   Its Called Division Belle and I regret writing the awful sex scene, same reviewer” :sex is not Hannam’s metier”. I rest my case depends, on what she means by the latter.Was then lady, was then .