Middle Class Knife Training for Toddlers, The Curse of the Crackly Snack Packet and The return of the “Upseat”.

..Sitting in the park this week an enchanting little boy called Jasper engaged me in conversation, he then pulled a knife on me , it was of course plastic a kind of flick knife of which he was very proud. He was four he told me, and his daddy had bought it for him that morning. The Mother looked mildly embarrassed and invited me to explain to Jasper… that knives were not a good thing, I ventured that he looked so grown up  thought he was six and when he did become six it was not cool to wield a  knife,. The father was lurking around resentfully , I asked the mum why on earth he would have given a child such a toy, “In desperation ” she said. They ambled off Jasper thrusting the knife purposefully at the odd duck . OMG . The so called middle classes should know better.

We went to see The Lion King , a beautiful film in which are many metaphors for life most of which were lost on the audience who stuffed their faces throughout with the contents a loudly crackling bags their open mouths working like cement mixers chewing loudly with what was left of their rotting teeth. The so called parents engaged with their phones secreted between their knees with a queer sort of light.   Really what on earth is going on?

“Manspread” has become a feature now they all do it, that and leaving the lavatory seat up. Why is this ?Even very old men do it i,t some sort of statement , Bollocks perhaps?




Three Things That Changed the World Bad Teeth Opium and The Diplomatic Leek.

The Roman Army marched on it’s stomach ,  the introduction of stone ground flour finished them off … bits of stone broke off and when consumed broke their teeth , the results were catastrophic .

The  Russian Royal family came to stay with Queen Victoria  at Osborne as way of a rapprochement for a family feud. Things did not go well Alexander developed a sceptic Dental abscess. He could not take the Salute for a naval  flotilla on the Isle of Wight . Her Majesty, who stoically bore a prolapsed womb for most of her life ( hence voluminous blackirts) had never heard of such sissy behaviour . The quarrel resumed and bore hideous consequence . Years later the Russian Royal family waited to be rescued at Ark Angel on the Baltic Coast in vain, and were eventual y shot . I know this because a viewed a book created from the diary’s of Queen Victoria’s physician ” Ask Sir James”  grown up readers only, steamy reading actually. eras later one of the mysterious remains of the Imperial Family had some fabulous dental  work made by the court Jeweller  Faberge . I know this because I read Times for too long actually and it is ruining my life.

Now to Leekgate It is hardly credible that the  British Ambassador in Washington resigned Because Boris failed to be drawn on the issue. Why so the man isn’t Prime Minister yet this was a TV show wasn’t it? Then they are all getting terribly ” Girls Blouse ” and really Boris pull yourself together why are you are grovelling and stuttering regrets …… stick to your guns … we look for more in a PM (Never Complain Never Explain)… that would work wouldn’t it? He should keep his mouth shut a bit… as for the other one Jeremy H I, have met ones like that very goodie goodie …. I wonder if the man has seen some sort of “light” very wide eye.I once had to deal with a very smug school master who looked just like him and talked like him he used the word courage frequently the child in question had that in abundance they just got found out that was all. And don’t be fooled Boris is not as dumb as he seems.  He needs to get the theatricals under control or we are doomed To Corbingedden.