Swallows and Amazons a Syrian Metaphor, The Wonder of Shakespeare, and rather Unfulfilled Promise.

For Moi the perfect afternoon, the delightful film of Arthur Ransome’s Swallows and Amazons, as a child Ransom’s books were classics and we acted them out in the cultural void of post war fifties England. Children at that time lived the dream of adventures on ponds, camp fires and make believe Indians these were the toys we had. It was only last week that I read that Ransome based his masterpiece on a delightful family of Anglo Syrians on holiday in the Lake district his home from home . They went back to Syria eventually to troubled times and history does not accurately relate what happened to them. Perhaps this was a metaphor for the future?

Culture is readily available where we live and last weekend I had a sublime evening watching the Changeling Theatre Company’s production of All’s Well that Ends Well in a setting sun in a church garden. Victorians did not perform this play because Helena pursues her man Bertram with shameless determination, wombs are mentioned a lot and Victorians would have none of them. Queen Victoria’s physician Sir James delivered all her babies and never saw her private bits. He did so after her death and was shocked by the ravages that so many confinements had “wrought upon her” this was one of the reasons she wore voluminous black skirts, I know this!

I forwarded an interview I had with Country Life magazine in 1997 to my publisher today at their request, it was the year I changed careers and left my very profitable work as a journalist to write novels. This was referred to as the most solitary of lives, the writer suggests that this will not be quite enough and that there is a “world outside and surprises are in store”, it made me wonder? Perhaps it was not the best choice, certainly if I had written one of Ransome’s books it might have been, one of the problems is that people do not take writers seriously, a very arrogant conductor I have known for years asked me the other day if I was still doing a little writing, I asked him if he was still doing a little conducting, the man went berserk and had to be restrained by the whole table of arty celebs. Actually he made a complete ass of himself and I have a nasty turn of phrase so at least being a writer has given me that.

A Judge With Balls, A Calendar Girl Moment, and “Bear With Me “.

Finally we have a judge with balls, and of course she is a woman. She faces an enquiry and all because when sentencing a right C—t she replies to his graphic invective containing many helpful and inventive suggestions as to what she could do with her own and everyone else’s parts that dare not speak their name ……. The final flourish was to call her the c word, sharp as a tick she says “ you are a bit of a c…t yourself “ there followed a Nazi salute and the “f off” routine “You too” she replied “take him down”. This woman is brilliant. I will go on a protest march for her anything …… the c—nts heading up an enquiry, will make themselves an object of ridicule “C—nt off” I say. By the way she is not called Patricia Lynch for nothing.

Talking of  that sort of thing , as one does, …… the Sainted One complains a lot????? one of the most recent and repetitive items concerns my lack of affectionate  conduct whilst engaged in the many domestic duties here, defrosting the fridge for example does not bring out the best in me, apparently one should always smile contentedly and hum jolly tunes whilst gushing compliments to boost the male ego????  the lack of this  leaves him isolated and bitter???? A Calender  Woman moment by the deep freeze perhaps ? The suggestion was greeted with a cold stare, so sorted!

Please people who answer phones where did “ bear with me “ creep into the world it should not be used anywhere outside a labour ward. It is usually followed by the worst music in the world and then nothing, oblivion” I won’t bear with them anymore I will think of something you wait and see. Suggestions welcome.