Waxing, Fish Forks, and Drowning.

So we have been speaking to people about house clearance at our holiday home, so this weekend was frankly the most stressful I have ever had there. We had guests and were also clearing up after tenants and for various reasons Moi was the only driver . The Tesco shop was not quite thorough enough, so the bar orders could not be accommodated. The Sainted one made over confident enquires in a debonair kind of way, eg where do you keep the tomato juice and the vodka? Came there answer none. All right off to the village store two miles away , it had mysteriously gone and been replaced by a waxing clinic. This set me thinking about the exciting life all the pensioners must be having they are the majority on the inhabitants. So there they are folks all the eighty year old ladies on their walking frames fixing themselves a “Brazillian” or a “Hollywood Strip” perhaps. The house clearance expert was waiting when I got back later after a round trip to get the bar orders. Nobody noticed, the SO asked me in shocked tones why some of the fish forks were odd. One of the guests offered to lay the table for dinner and mentioned the nonmatching china and a preference for , starched napery, the cutlery drawer got tidied and then it became clear that the dishwasher was blocked. One of the tenants had put something unspeakable in it???? This was a new low. After they had all gone I started the washing, sheets towels under things, later I managed to stagger to the beach with my dogs and collapsed at the water’s edge from exhaustion,I toppled over like a roman column, the Tide was roaring in and not a soul in sight is was rather peaceful. The spaniels told me not to die so I didn’t .Its all restored now for the next batch of holiday makers. Eighteen bags of rubbish got taken away left in weird corners, tenant seem to spend their days going to M&S buying size eighteens. The old items are left for me I suppose but listen up I am now a size twelve because I have a serpent in my insides. The SO rang from London to ask if I was having a nice rest? He had tidied the cutlery drawer upon his arrival.

Unwelcome Imigrants,Visiting Dogs, and Technology.

Yes ,we have been waging war on moths, it has been nervous breakdown time, what with all the other challenges and coming out into “normal life” after completing another book. The buggers decided to munch through our home remorselessly. I had just about won when the nipote came back from Rome and sat down at the table in a very interesting lace patterned cashmere sweater . It quickly dawned on me that it was hosting another colony of moths and had been settling in nicely again. The fact that they are Italian does not excuse it, as it does in other areas where all things Italian are quite wonderful. So its war again the deep freeze is full. It’s the only way.

I often house other people’s dogs, and my two spaniels are endlessly patient, but all the visiting dogs insist on sleeping in my bed. I really shouldn’t complain you can’t be choosy at my ag, but the resident canines take great exception to this. My grandson had a greyhound and after one night I had to draw the line so he peed on the bedroom carpet. The dogs in this house think they are the leaders of the pack and they are not delusional, I know this actually.

So at last I have to admit defeat I will get a smart phone. I have become increasingly isolated without this capability . I am told I need to take selfies whenever I do anything interesting and send them to everyone. But here is the thing, I have been part of other people’s selfies sometimes and the results are awful and terribly depressing. I have now got a scarf which I can put over the lower bit of the face which is the worst bit and that’s where the dogs come in, they are very photo friendly and useful as a communication facility. The whole concept of technology is hard for an aging dyslexic but I will crack it. But “Summers Grace “ will I hope enable me to rest on my laurels whilst I struggle with it, some beast put subtitles for the deaf on my favourite TV I am told it was an April Fool. You wait till I get technical revenge will be sweet.